Clark's view
by calicoskies4ever
Summary: Smallville showed how a lot of people felt during the senate race in season 5 but not much from Clark here’s a ClarkLex slash story about Clark watching Lex and his father and his feelings of being torn in two different directions Please review no flames
1. Chapter 1

We got to see how a lot of people felt during the state senate race in season five, but we didn't hear very much from Clark. This is a Clark/Lex slash story exploring Clark's feelings as he watches Lex and his father, and his feelings of being torn in two very different directions. I'm not sure where it's going to end.

"I thought I was smart  
I thought I was right  
I thought it better not to fight   
I thought there was a virtue  
in always being cool.  
So when it came time to fight,  
I thought 'I'll just step aside',   
and that the time would prove you wrong  
and that you were the fool," The Flaming Lips.

When I heard Lex was running for senator against uncle Jack, that was one thing—don't get me wrong, I love the guy, but Lex and I—well I'm not sure how I felt, except that it just didn't seem like a huge deal. When Jack dropped out and my dad jumped in, I knew I'd never be able to choose between the man I loved and the man who had raised me, taken care of me, been there to help me every time a new ability popped up.

In other words, I was screwed. At first I tried siding with my mother, trying to convince Dad it was too much stress for him to take on. I knew I couldn't tell him the truth about me, and me Lex, he didn't even know I was gay, let alone that I was sleeping with Lex Luthor. When Dad proved unshakable, I raced all the way over to the mansion, and into Lex's office/den. I found him standing at the pool tale, stetting up a game.

Lex had on this plum colored shirt, and my favorite pair of pants. These were the ones, which were tight in the front, and legs, and they made his ass look amazing. Lex almost never wore these pants, though, mainly because they were so tight, and I don't mean in the, 'oh man my favorite jeans got shrunk in the wash,' tight. The pants cut into his skin so hard that ever seam, every crease, every pocket left deep red lines all over his legs and his and stomach.

Lex said the pants made him feel numb from the waist down, which is why he never wore them for more than half an hour, not that he needed to. Lex claimed the pants possessed a magical power, the ability to get the wearer laid by anyone. Once I stopped by the mansion unannounced, and almost walked in on Lex and Lionel. Lex was bent over his desk, and Lionel was on top of him. They were practically silent and I needed to use my x-ray vision and super-hearing to be able to get the full picture.

Lionel kept on whispering, 'I love you,' and when I took another look around the room I saw that Lex's magic pants were balled up on the floor, next to his right foot.

"I take it you heard the big news," I asked, as I made my way across the room. Lex smiled, handing me a cue, which I threw to the ground. "I don't feel like playing right now, and you're wearing those pants to distract me."

Lex said, "I'm sure I have no idea what it is you're talking about," and picked up the cue. "Clark, don't over react. It's not a big deal."

"You're my _boyfriend,_ and you basically just stepped into a boxing ring with my _father_, how am I supposed to react? My dad could have another heart attack. He could die. Can't your stupid political ambition wait?"

"No—if I want to be on the fast track for president, I need to start when I'm young." I watched as Lex leaned backwards, stretching his beautiful, slender body. "So," Lex asked, after we finished making love, "still mad at me?"

"Yeah, what the Hell am I supposed to do Lex? I can't pick between you and Dad. I love you Lex, but I don't know what to do here. I can't change how I feel, and no matter what I do, I'm going to lose one of you."

"If you aren't careful, Clark, there's a very good chance you'll lose both of us, and I'm still not sure what the big deal is," he told me, running his fingers through my hair. "Your father will understand, and if he doesn't you can come and live with me. It's an easy decision. _I _could make it in a heart beat."

"Of course _you_ could, but _I _actually get along with my parents," I snapped ad him, and as soon as the words came out of my mouth, Lex's smile faded, and he looked away, like he was gonna cry. "Lex, I'm sorry. I shouldn't have said that, and if my dad found out I was on your side, he'd—well that's why I'm so scared, I don't know what he'd do, and if I'm not on your side, you'll dump me."

"No I won't," Lex swore, wrapping his arms around my chest, and holding me as close as possible. "All I need from you is to know that you love me. Other than that I don't need _you_ to win."

"And if you don't, what happens then?" I asked almost afraid of the answer. I turned around to face Lex, and gently kissed the sides of his face, near his eyes. Lex pulled away when I leaned in to kiss his mouth. Then he stood up and started to get dressed. "I didn't mean it like—I'm sorry." Lex tossed his shirt and magic pants into the hamper, and got out a pair of regular black trousers and, and indigo shirt.

"No, you were right. I guess I just can't lose, no matter what." He had this strange tone of voice that scared me. I wasn't sure what Lex would do if he didn't win. That worried me more than anything else. I'd seen how badly he took it when he lost a contract, or when Lionel had stolen Lexcorp out from under him. I couldn't be sure how he would react to this sort of a loss.

"Listen, Lex, maybe I should—maybe if I talk to my Dad, he'll believe me this time. You really are a good guy, Lex. I believe that about you. I love you so much, and—maybe you should be senator."

"But you don't mean what you just said, do you, Clark?" I couldn't say anything. "Well, not all of it, anyway. Look Clark, I don't need your pity, your support would be nice, but I know how important your family is to you."

"I dunno, Lex, I'm—I love you, and if it was anyone other than my dad, I'd totally support you, but it's so—you know my problem. Couldn't you do this some place else, like Metropolis?"

"No, the people there actually know what they're doing. They have as much money as me, and most of them approach an average politician's intelligence level. A few of them are even almost as smart as I am."

"So what you're saying is that my father is an poor, ignorant fool, with no idea what he is doing?" I asked knowing Lex was never going to admit to how he felt, or to what he had accidentally just said.

"Those were your words, not mine, but the fact remains that there are very few people on the planet who can match wits with me. What?" Lex asked, sitting back on the edge of the bed. I sat next to him; unable to say all of the things I really wanted to.

"_Lex, please don't do this to me, to my family. I love you, and if you kill my father either by pushing him too hard or by destroying his life when you win, I don't think I could ever be friends with you again, let alone lovers._

"Lex let my father have this one. Over the next couple of years, you can show my dad just how good of a person you really, are then he'll let you have everything you want, and you can go right back to doing whatever you need to do to be president," I begged.

"If I wait a few years to prove my worth to your almighty father, I won't be able to be the youngest president in history." Then I stood up, shaking my head. As much as I loved Lex, there were just as many times when he made me hate him. Lex's perfectionism, his need to be the first, the biggest, the strongest, the best turned him into this annoying, mean bastard.

"And that's more important than my father's life, or our relationship?"

"So what you're telling me is that you love me, but only if I do exactly what you tell me to do?" Lex looked like he wanted to hit me, but he knew better than that. He knew he'd only hurt himself. "You tell me that I'm killing your father by running for the position of state senate against him, but did either of you two geniuses ever consider the possibility of his not running?"

"He said it would be worse for him if you won, to see you in that position, than if he died beating you" I blurted out, and regretted it immediately. Lex's hands, which had been balled up in tight fists, fell open, and his shoulders slumped. Lex turned his face away, and wiped his cheeks before turning back to me again.

"I think you should leave, Clark," Lex said as he passed by, bumping his shoulder into mine, and opening the door. "I think you should leave right now," he told me again. What I had said must have really hurt Lex, more than he'd ever admit, but I didn't know whether or not I should leave him alone.

The only thing I did know was that Lex really seemed to want me to go, badly, and so I did. When I got home that night, I refused to say a word to my dad, or come down for dinner.


	2. Chapter 2

Alternate version of _Splinter, _spoilers for the episode. Same warnings as before.

"Just because you're paranoid

Doesn't mean they're not after you," Kurt Cobain

"I think you should talk to your father about this, Clark. If you don't tell him how you feel…he won't know. Lex is a wonderful young man, but your father hears the name Luthor and…" my mom tried to explain to me when I got back from the mansion. Talking to her was one thing. She believed me when I told her Lex was (and is) a good guy, but my dad—well it's exactly like she said.

Dad can't help himself when it comes to Lex, or Lionel. He barely tolerated the fact that I was dating a Luthor, if I told him I thought Lex was a better candidate, I might as well…I couldn't even bring myself to think about it.

"Mom, you know he's not going to listen, not to me—he won't even listen to you." I wanted to slap myself when I said those words. My mother looked as if she were going to cry, and no matter how much she told me everything was okay, I knew just how worried she felt, how much it hurt to see my dad pushing himself so hard.

"Clark, you have to talk to him eventually. I don't want the two of you two end up hating each other, over—this. It's a seat in the state senate, and…Lex is going to win no matter how hard your father tries." I knew she was right, but I also knew there was nothing I could say to my father to change his mind. That was when he got back to the house from doing some chore.

"Did someone call a family meeting and forget to invite me?" he asked, chuckling. He stopped laughing, however, when he saw that we weren't joining him. "Martha, Clark, what's going on?"

"It's about Lex," I started to explain, but Dad just shook his head.

"There's no way I am going to let Lex have that seat. He's a spoiled brat, and somebody needs to teach him that he can't get everything he wants, just because he's rich."

"And _you _have to be the one to do it?"

"Clark, you'll understand when you're older. Do you have any idea what Lex would do if he won?"

"Become a senator? Dad listen to me, you're my father and I love you, but I also love Lex—and you have no idea how much it hurts him, knowing that I can't give him any support."

"He's just sulking because he can't buy his way into office. He'll get over it," my father told me calmly.

"The more you get into it with Lex the more you start to sound like Lionel," I shouted, and raced out of the house before he couldn't actually react. I knew I couldn't go to Lex's, he had meetings until 5:00, and Chloe had to work, so I went to Lana. That was where the silver meteor rock cut my finger, where I got the splinter.

I started to feel strange right away, and decided to go home. I found Dad, in the barn, talking to—Lionel Luthor! I confronted him in the house and he said something awful, and I knew my 'parents' were planning to hand me over to Lionel for testing.

Even Chloe was in on it. Lana refused to believe me, she even kicked me out of her room, claiming I must be sick, but I knew better. Lionel had threatened her—she wasn't going to hand me over, but she wouldn't help me either. I knew Lex was probably still mad at me, but he was the only one I could trust.

"Clark, are you okay?" Lex raced to my side as soon as I came in. "You're sweating, and your hair is a mess. What is going on?"

"It's your father—he knows my secret, and my dad…Lionel gave him money, he bought me and now he wants to use me for experiments, they're going to dissect me or something. Lex you gotta help me, you're the only one who can…everyone else has turned on me, please, Lex I need you…there are guys chasing me in cars, my dad and your dad, and Chloe are all looking for me. Everything's bad—please Lex, please."

"Okay—Jesus, I knew my father was—I never thought he'd sink this low. All right Clark, just sit down and relax. Do you have the plate numbers on the car? I'm just going to call the police. I'll be right back I promise." I could hear Lex dialing the phone in the other room, and he wasn't calling 9-1-1.

"Lex," Lionel's voice carried an unusually angry and impatient tone. "I've been expecting your call for two hours now. I take it Clark has arrived?"

"Look, Dad he's really scared. I'm not sure I can do this. I love Clark, and I'm not going to let you torture him."

"Ah, Lex, Lex, Lex—how noble of you. There is of course only one problem. You're the one who wanted to do all of this in the first place. Jonathan Kent agreed to drop out of the senate race so you can have your seat. He gets rid of that thing, and enough money to keep his farm running for the rest of his life, and I get Clark."

"Yeah," Lex said quietly, and in pain. "Just promise me you're not gonna hurt him."

"Lex, we're going to need to be safe—it could be dangerous. Remember Son—it's not human. Given the chance it would destroy us all."

"I know. You should come quick—before he---before it starts to get suspicious." After that everything was sort of a blur, and then suddenly I saw Professor Fine, and he was gone and so were all the bad feelings. I called for help and sat with him until the ambulance came.

Lex kept fading in and out of consciousness, flinching every time he saw me. I went home first. I remembered nothing and the only thing I knew for sure was that I'd hurt him badly, and something about silver Kryptonite. I apologized to my parents, Lana, and Chloe, and I made a decision.

"I love Lex," I told my father. "We're supposed—it feels like we're meant for each other. When I'm with Lex, everything feels right. I've never felt this way with anyone. You've always been a great father, and I'd hate for us not to be able to get thought this."

"Clark, you are my son, and I will always love you as such, but you already know that. You're not worried about what happened when you were on the silver kryptonite, you're worried about something else."

"I wanted to tell you I've decided on something. You're my father but Lex…he doesn't have anybody. He needs love, and support, and I'm gonna give it to him." Dad didn't say anything when I told him this. He looked like he was about to get mad, yell at me, but he didn't do those things. He just nodded his head slowly, and sighed.

"Well I guess you should do whatever it is you feel you need to do," he said. "If Lex is important to you, then you need to let him know that." We talked for a while longer, and he reminded me how much he loved me, and how he would always be my father, and then I went to see Lex.

I went to the mansion, told the security guard I was there, and waited for Lex to decide whether or not he should let me in. "I was infected by a silver meteor rock. It made me sort of crazy. I saw and heard things that weren't real, and I'm sorry I hurt you." This is what I wanted to say. I thought about it before I got there, practicing over and over, until I got it right. It was perfect, but when I saw how badly I had hurt Lex all I could do was stand there staring.

"Lex," I whispered, reaching out to stroke his face. "I—I am so sorry. Lex," I repeated over and over, and over. It was about the only thing I could do.

"I know. Your mom called me. She explained how a piece of silver kryptonite infected you. You don't have to apologize. Maybe your father is right, I think I'm gonna drop out of the race."

"That's almost—I came here to tell you—to give you my support."

"You mean—did you tell your parents? And they're okay with it?" Lex asked, completely shocked.

"Well…my dad didn't kick me out of the house, but he still feels like he needs to keep fighting you in this. He said I gotta do what I think is right, but I got the feeling he was disappointed in me," I told Lex, wishing I hadn't.

"I know the feeling," he admitted, taking my hand. I lifted up his other arm, the one in a cast, and kissed it softly. "At least we have ach other now. Maybe if I win this thing I'll have a chance at some sort o happiness in my life," Lex told me, and I could only pray that he was right.


	3. Chapter 3

AN: sorry for the long break, but I've been working on my novel. So as a bonus, here are two chapters. Spoilers for _Lexmas_

"Been a long time  
Since I've laid with you in bed  
Conversations, full of words you never said  
I got your message  
But I didn't hear the ringing bell  
I gave into the loneliness  
But I didn't give them nothing else," Josh Kelly

As soon as I hared Lex had been shot, I left my parent's Christmas party, raced all the way to Metropolis, and found the hospital where he was being treated, but they wouldn't let me into his room. The lady behind the desk said something about only admitting family members.

She also told me that, "ICU patients are only allowed one visitor at a time, and at the moment, Mr. Luthor is in with his son," before going right back to work. I had never seen Lionel physically hurt Lex, but I was still worried about him being in there. I didn't like the idea of the two of them alone together. Lionel was probably filling Lex's head with really bad ideas. I watched them, and listened, but all they did was argue.

Apparently Lex's dad made some kind of a decision about his care, and he put Lex in serious danger. Lex could have lived without whatever his father did, but he would have been paralyzed. Lex seemed really angry, and I didn't blame him. Lionel had no right to put Lex in danger the way he did. Lex could have died! Of course, if Lex had never been shot, there wouldn't be any reason for Lionel to force some dangerous, crazy treatment on him, and he would have been completely safe, but…I wanted to believe in Lex.

I sat in the waiting room, for hours, watching Lex, trying to figure out what I was gonna say to him, what we were gonna do when I could hold him again, trying to decide if I should ask what he had been doing, if I should get mad, or if I should just be grateful he was okay.

Then just before Lionel left, I watched him do something really strange. He kissed Lex—a real kiss—and they both seemed to like it. I couldn't remember ever feeling so confused, or so turned on. Then I snuck into his room, and snuggled up to Lex, softly kissing his head, and running my hand over his chest as gently as I could.

"Clark, oomph—sorry. That's still pretty tender. I kind of, well I assume you wanna lecture me, before we get down to business, or is this one of those times when you're just gonna let me get away with whatever you think I did?"

"Well I dunno—I sort of um, well you're laying next to me, so you can see how I'm feeling at the moment but, later, I might wanna talk to you about this." Lex started to laugh a little, but he had to stop because it seemed to be excruciating. "What is so funny? Your dad was just in here. The last thing I'd expect you to do is laugh."

"You saw my father? You didn't happen to notice what we were—I mean uh how—what exactly did you see?" All of the sudden, Lex seemed to have lost all control. If I didn't know him better I would have sworn he was terrified.

"It's okay, I'm not gonna tell anyone, I promise," I told him, and I meant every word of it—not that anyone would have believed me even if I had a photograph. "Besides, it was kind of sexy."

"Do you think you could control…well we both know how your bodily fluids tend to have healing properties, and I'm really in need right now."

"I might be able to give you a 'hand' with that one. That is, if you wanna be with me, and not with Lionel. I mean it was kind of hot, like I said but I can't help wondering, where do I fit in, in all of this?"

"My relationship with my father is complicated. Sometimes he is great, other times he can't stand me, and then there are other times when things—I love you Clark, and if you want me to stop seeing him, I will. I just want you to be happy."

"I want you to have that too." It wasn't until afterwards that I remembered to ask Lex what the hell he had been doing in that part of town, on Christmas eve, alone, and unprotected.

"I'm—I got lost," Lex lied, and I knew he would never tell me the truth if I was nice about it. So I stood up, and started to look around the room, as though I were trying to find my clothes. "Okay, okay I'll tell you, just lay down. Please, I need you right now." Lex looked away, out the window, as he spoke. "I was just trying to do what my father taught me." Lex took in a very deep, very sharp breath, like he was trying not to cry.

"Why would you ever do anything Lionel taught you—unless he was the one who showed you how to do the thing with your—never mind." Lex reached out for my hand, and I gave it to him.

"Promise you won't get mad," he begged.

"Depends," I told him, slowly and gently rubbing his back, and kissing the very top of his head. Part of me wanted to get into an all night long discussion of my favorite parts of his body, complete with physical demonstrations, but the rest of me knew that something very bad was about to happen. "What exactly did you do?" Lex looked up at me, still trying not to cry. "I promise I won't yell at you, or leave. Just tell me what you did and we can figure out how to deal with this when I know what it is I'm dealing with."

"You're going to get mad. I went to see a guy—not for sex—to help me win. He wasn't a political consultant though, not in any normal way."

"So you were going to pay some guy to did up dirt on my dad? Lex I don't—I don't even know how to respond to that. I—I'm not…I don't think I can—Lex how could you?"

"'Win at any cost, Son.' That's what my father always told me. I told you how I ran for student body president when I was in high school, right? Well what I didn't tell you was how when Dad found out, he told me I wouldn't be allowed home for Christmas break. I only won then, because I cheated, and now I feel like it's happening again. I didn't want to do it, but I was afraid of what might happen if I lost."

"Lex I will always love you, no matter what, and your dad is never going to change how he acts—but you already knew that…which means you don't even care how much damage you do, or who you hurt!"

"I didn't go through with it. That has count for something, doesn't it Clark?" he pleaded, pulling his knees up to his chest, despite the pain it seemed to cause him. Lex was no longer able to hold back the tears. "Pleas Clark, I swear I didn't go through with it."

"I know. You wouldn't be telling me if you had, which is the only reason I'm not leaving. I still love you, but I am mad. I will forgive you eventually," I swore, kissing him very, very softly, over his newest scar. "It's gonna be okay, but…"

"But I was stupid, and I acted like a pathetic, weak, spoiled little brat, which completely proved your father right, and I lost your vote in the process. Does that sound about right?"

"I'm not sure," I told him. "I wish this were easy. If you were…if it wasn't you against my dad, I just don't know." And I really didn't.


	4. Chapter 4

Spoilers for _Fanatic_

"Here we are again and we're looking at each  
other as if each other were to blame.  
You think you're so smart, but I've seen you naked  
and I'll probably see you naked again.  
Milli Vanilli told you to Blame it On The Rain,  
but if you blame it on the rain tell me  
what can be gained so,  
if all else fails you can blame it on me," The Barenaked Ladies.

"Okay one more time now, how exactly did this happen?"

"I didn't even know her until a few days ago. Clearly she was out of her mind and decided to…"

"I meant to you."

"I'm not sure. She came in here and she was—insane. I tried to talk some sense into her. I told her NOT to hurt your father. I told her…and then she hit me on the head. That's the last thing I remember until you came in her yelling at me like I _hired_ her to do kill your dad."

"Well you got shot trying buy dirt on him, what was I supposed to think?"

"Clark can I at least have a couple Aspirin before the lecture, or is physical torture part of your master plan?"

"Lex, I'm sorry I got mad at you, but I was just—I'm worried about my father. This whole thing has been so stressful. I'm scared we're gonna lose him, and I needed to vent." Lex nodded, wrapping his arms around me, and pulling me down to the couch with him. "Thanks. You have no idea how much this helps."

"Well, actually I do. All those hugs you've given me. I don't know how I would have survived without-never mind. I don't suppose you've figured out what you want to—who you are gong to—forget it. I'm not going to bother you with this anymore," Lex told me, and then kissed my hair.

"You're not bothering me—well your voice is kind of high pitched and whiny which is annoying but other than that—you're not such a bad guy."

"This from a guy who shoots flames out of his eyes whenever he gets turned on. Do you have any idea how much damage that could potentially do? How much money I'll have to spend to replace, everything with non-flammable material?"

"I set your curtains on fire one time—when I was fourteen and a virgin—and you never let me hear the end of it." It wasn't until then that I realized just how hurt Lex had been by this whole thing, and not physically. "I'm sorry."

"Me too."

"You shouldn't be. You were right. It's not your fault. This girl fell in love with you and went crazy. There's nothing you could have done to stop her. Although this sort of thing does seem to happen to every person who falls in love with you." Lex let go then, and he sort of pushed me a little, and tackled me, laughing.

"So much for your prowess as a football player," he giggled, laying his head down against my chest, snuggling with me on the floor.

"We should probably get out of here, so nobody sees us. I know how you feel about your privacy."

"Well, my father might walk in on us, and despite the incredibly hot scenarios running through your head right now, I think the whole sleeping with the enemy thing might cause him to give me a very, very long lecture."

"But I'm not the enemy, my dad is. Come on, I'll keep my eyes—and my ears—open and I promise to let you know if anyone is coming."

"No you won't. You'd probably start screaming when you hear him halfway down the hall, just so he'd run in and catch us."

"Well…it _would_ be funny to see the look on his face, and to see your father's reaction when I ask him to join us," I explained, rolling him over, and straddling his waist the way he had done to me. "So?"

"I'm serious, Clark. Let me up, please. If he comes in here and sees this, I'll never hear the end of it. You know I keep a chunk of Kryptonite in my desk drawer, don't you?"

I'd love to see you try and get up and try to get the stuff with me on top of you like this. Okay. Okay, I'll take you back to your room, but give me a minute. Do you really want me to stop?" I asked, ripping his shirt open, and sucking on his nipple. I love those little things. Of course I love everything about him.

"Tell me you've made up your mind. Tell me which side you're on, even if it's not mine. Then I might…mmmthatfeelsamazingpleasedon'tpleasedon'tstop. I give in. Here' is good too. Just—Mmmm. That—how did you even—where did you learn how to do that?"

"Wouldn't you like to know?" I kissed all over his face, and body. I ran my hands over his smooth chest, as I pulled the shirt off. Then I went to work on my own clothes. When I turned around, Lex was smiling at me, and then he wrapped his arms around me, pushed me to the floor again, and kissed me hard.

"I love you Clark," he told me three or four times. When he said it, the thought occurred to me that this was the first time in a long time where he actually meant it.

So when I told him, "I love you too," I decided to add, "and you're not the enemy. I love and support you completely. I should never have doubted you." Lionel didn't walk in on us, but it didn't make things any less wonderful.

I left the mansion the next morning, believing in my heart of hearts that I really was right, and Lex was a wonderful guy, who would make an excellent senator. I should have known that things with him are never that simple.


	5. Chapter 5

An: So this is how I would have done _Reckoning _if I were in charge of the Smallville universe. Minor spoilers for _Reckoning_.

"Everybody here in the small town  
Looks used and abused today  
Everybody here is looking outside  
Man, seems like nothing ever changes  
Everybody they just want to have a good time  
Everybody they just want to forget  
Everybody wants to feel like they did when the sky looked good  
And the world was perfect," Everclear

**TAKE ONE: **I told Lex I would always love and support him, and I meant every word of what I said, at the time, but after everything that's happened, after all the times he's hurt me, lied to me, cheated on me—I just couldn't help myself. I was really mad at him. We hadn't spoken to each other all week. I didn't even go to the mansion o be with him on Election Day.

It wasn't a huge surprise when we found out Dad won—I think even Lex knew he'd never win, but he doesn't have it in him to give up on anything. Lana and Chloe were standing together and laughing, when the official results came in, but when she saw me, Lana came over to talk.

"What are you doing here?" she asked. I could tell Lana wasn't angry with me. It was more like she was shocked, as if she hadn't expected me to show up for some reason."

"Look, I'm sorry I didn't tell you…I was—wait—what are you talking about? This is my Dad's party; why shouldn't I be here?"

"Because your boyfriend is going to be broken hearted when he finds out he lost this thing. You should be with Lex right now—and I'm not mad about the other thing. I always had a feeling you were that way…women's intuition and all. Just go be with him."

"We're not really on speaking terms right now," I told her, looking down at my shoes and praying for a distraction.

"What did you do?"

"Nothing! He's the one who lied to you, and almost got you killed because of it. He _let _you go into that warehouse with those crazy cops. 

You have got to be kidding me. Lex didn't tell you, did he? I'm not sure which one of you I should smack first! Clark, I knew there was nothing there. I just—Lex would have died if somebody didn't get him to a hospital," Lana explained. "So I improvised." Just then, my cell phone began to vibrate.

"That's probably Lex," I mumbled.

"Good. Apologize to him, and then get your butt over there. Lex needs you a lot more than your dad does. The whole town's here. Nobody is gonna miss you."

"Thanks, I feel so much better now." I didn't wait for Lana to apologize, I just speed off, kicking every streamer and popping all the balloons I saw on my way out. Then I ran to the mansion, where I found Lex in the den pouring himself a couple scotches. "I got your message," I told him, still standing in the doorway, almost afraid to move.

"Probably shouldn't have called. Shouldn't do a lot of things, but I, uh, seem to do them anyway." Lex sighed, clinking the glasses, and swallowing his drink in one gulp.

"Lex," I raced across the room, wrapping my arms around him. "You could have told me that Lana knew what she was walking into."

"If you had stopped screaming at me for five seconds I might have gotten the chance to explain. Not that it matters, you always find something to be mad at when it comes to me."

"Yeah well if you weren't constantly trying to sabotage yourself in everyway, and everything you do, there wouldn't be anything for me to get mad at." Lex broke free from my grip, and turned away. "I should probably go."

"I guess you should." Lex lifted a second glass, pretending to drink it, but I could hear him stiffening tears. All I wanted was to turn around, hug him, and apologize over, and over until he forgave me for all the times I had hurt him. But I didn't do that. I just went back to the party, found my parents, and told them things were probably over with me and Lex. I got a text message a while later from Lex. I don't know why I read it, just that I did.

Lex Luthor

Im sorry.

"Mom, Dad—I gotta go. Lex is—Lex is about to do something stupid. I have to find him." I sped all the way back across town only to discover that Lex wasn't at the mansion. I ran up and down every street, every alley, all the way to Metropolis and back, called him twenty or thirty times—he never even switched on the phone—I even tried calling Lionel to try and help me find him.

It wasn't until about an hour after I got the call before I figured it out. What's the one thing Lex and I always joked about, the one place Lex would go if he thought he'd lost everything? Sure enough, when I got to the bridge, I found a giant hole, and Lex's car at the bottom of the river. I pulled him out again, preformed C.P.R. over and over, until the paramedics came, but t didn't make any difference this time. There was nothing I could do. There was nothing anybody could do. Lex Luthor was dead.

**TAKE TWO: **I wasn't making any mistakes this time. Nobody else could save him, no one else could make it right, but I could. I love Lex and I was going to protect and take care of him forever and ever. I even changed my vote, just in case he asked me about it later. I went directly from there to the mansion. Lex was sitting behind his desk, working on his computer.

He looked up at me, and smiled. Then I ran all the way across the room, and I wrapped my arms around him, hugging his body close to mine. I laid my head against his shoulder, and tried to hold the tears in as long as possible.

"Wow, that was amazing…Clark, are you alright? You're acting like I just came back from the dead or something. Clark? It's okay. I'm fine. I mean I lost but I'm fine. Are you crying?"

"I just had this really bad dream last night. You were dead, and it was my fault, and when I woke up…it was like...I was so scared. I thought I'd really lost you." Lex almost laughed, but when he saw how upset I looked, he stopped, and hugged me back.

"Hey, it's all right. I'm here now and everything is okay, well…not everything, but we'll be here together and at least that's something. Even if I am going to lose this senate race thing. It was stupid of me to think I could ever win."

"You don't know that," I whimpered, wiping my eyes.

"Yes I do, and you know it too, but I have now, which is at least, something. Look, Clark, I don't care whether you voted for me or not, all that matters is that you are here."

"Of course I voted for you. I promised I would," I reminded him with a kiss. "I love you, and I'm not going to leave, not tonight, not ever. I promise." Lex and I snuggled on the couch for a while, kissing, and talking, and touching each other.

Then we went upstairs, made love twice, and I fell asleep, holding Lex in my arms, with his whole body pressed right up against mine. I woke up around midnight—my phone was ringing again, which I thought was particularly weird since I was with Lex, so I _knew_ he couldn't be hurt.

"Clark, I know you're with Lex, but you need to come home right now." My mom's frightened voice exclaimed before I could even say, hello.

"Look, Mom, I know how Dad feels about our relationship, but I'm not going to come home just because he's throwing some sort of a fit because I wasn't at the stupid party last night. There's no way he could have even noticed me if I was there."

"Clark," her voice broke like she was about to cry, or already crying. "Your dad died." I felt like someone had dropped a ton of Kryptonite on top of me.

"I'll be right there." I didn't know whether I should wake Lex up or not, but looking back on it now, I'm glad I did. He was there for me that night, driving me back to the house, holding my hand, talking me through everything, talking to Mom, and to me, and doing everything else I could have ever asked for.

When I told my mother what I had done, she tried to tell me over and over that it wasn't my fault. "There's no way you could have chosen between them, even if you had known," she explained, hugging me close, like she used to do when I was a little kid.

I told Lex too, about what happened to me. He said the same things my mom did, but I wasn't sure whether or not I could believe him.

"You were just trying to protect me," he said at last, bringing up the subject maybe a week after I had told him. "Nobody could have predicted this—and even then, it's unbelievably cruel of Jor-el to expect you to be able to choose between the people your in love with and one of your parents."

"But I did choose."

"You didn't know what was going to happen. When you asked him to save me, did he say, 'well now, Son there's an important decision you are going to have to make right here?' Did he say that in one reality I would die, and in the other your dad? You didn't know." Lex stood up and walked across the room. "Do you want a drink?" he asked, pouring two without waiting for an answer,

"Alcohol doesn't have any effect on me," I muttered, still staring at my feet, and biting down on my lower lip. Lex either wasn't listening or didn't care, because he brought both glasses back with him.

"I uh—I know this is supposed to be your personal crisis, but I can't help feeling like some of this is my fault. I mean, if I hadn't been such a creep to begin with, there would have been no competition, and then to top it all of I do something so stupid it makes you have to go back in time—which we have to talk about later by the way…sorry but I was born a science geek and I'll never grow out of that—if it wasn't for all of the stuff _I _did your father would probably be fine." I think it was the first time I ever saw Lex express any guilt, over anything, but he didn't just feel it this time, he was making himself miserable over it.

"No—listen to me Lex, because this is really important. None of what happened is your fault. None of this. My father knew he had a bad heart. He knew he was putting more and more stress on it. He knew I think of you as a good guy, and I don't hand out that label to just anyone. He could have dropped out back at Christmas, or a hundred other times and he would have been just fine," I explained, taking the drink because I knew Lex was gonna down it if I didn't. Then I nodded to him and sort of smiled. "Okay, you got me. It just might not be that easy for me to deal with everything."

"I don't expect it to be easy, and I didn't say that just to make you see how—I do feel a little guilty. I'm just…we'll get through this together. Lex Luthor and Clark Kent, we can do anything together."

It took a long time for both of us to figure out how we felt about everything, and even longer to get to a point where we knew where we wanted to go next, but we did get there, and Lex and I managed t stay together.

I love Lex. I love living with him. I love our relationship, and I love the lie I have now, even if things aren't in anyway how I thought they would be. Happily ever after may not exist, but Lex and I are about as close as you can get…even if we never got to have a threesome with Lionel.


End file.
